September 22, 2007: Boston Massacre 119, Dominion Derby Girls 69
| September 22, 2007|
Boston Derby Dames vs. Dominion Derby Girls
By Mr. Hits
After suffering through the endless anticipation of a four-month layoff, derby fans can once again rejoice at the prospect of watching their hometown heroes battle it out on the concrete tundra of Shriners Auditorium. Saturday, September 22 marked the official beginning of the 2007-2008 Boston Derby Dames season as the all-star Boston Massacre crossed skates with the newly minted Women's Flat-Track Derby Association league from Norfolk, Virginia, the Dominion Derby Girls. Dominion put together a gutsy performance, but the Massacre brought the ruckus and emerged triumphant with a 119-69 victory, leaving many diehards in the stands aching for a rematch of last February's loss to Philly and wondering just how good the Massacre can get.
After an opening moment of silence for Steve Bissett, a great help to the Derby Dames who passed away this summer, the atmosphere got jumping at Shriners, with the amped-up crowd ready to show its love to their eight-wheeled heroes. The bout began uneventfully with a few typical ice-breaking trips around the oval, but it was the third jam of the night that really set the tone and provided a little piece of history for the Dames. In a moment that will forever be known as the Triple-Triple, the Massacre's Triple Deck-Her executed the elusive grand slam--passing all four blockers on the opposing team and their jammer---not once, not twice, but thrice in one jam, scoring a total of fifteen points to Dominion's zero. The catalyst for this legendary jam was the blonde half of Twin Riot, Betty Spite, who air-mailed Dominion's jammer, The Ruffian, in to the standing crowd around the third turn and opened up the floor for Deck-Her.
Dominion immediately answered back with a 9-0 jam on the legs of Tsunami Tsue, but the Massacre stayed confident and focused, methodically increasing their lead over the next several jams. Late in the period, Shellby Shattered treated first-timers in the crowd to a holy-crap-shit-is-for-real moment and gave the fans reason to let out a raucous roar when she dropped The Ruffian with perhaps the most vicious, yet legal, hit in Massacre history. When the whistles blew, the Massacre found itself with a comfortable 44-21 edge heading in to the locker room.
As the second period got underway, Dominion's MVP Sweet N. Lowdown showcased her incredible top-end speed and tricky footwork in an effort to rally her team. But the Massacre had an answer, relying more on their smarts than their skates as they continued to open the gap. Massacre MVP Ivana Clobber largely ran the show and earned her title of General on this night. Clobber, perhaps the only athlete ever to wear Rec Specs fashionably, was in total control as pivot, using a constantly roaming eye for opposing skaters and straightforward verbal and visual cues to help her teammates. It was this leadership, along with precision active jam-management by jammer coach Sarah Doom and bench managers Evilicious and Pina Collidah--who were looking faaaaaaabulous---that allowed the Massacre to thwart promising efforts from the opposition and run off a string of seven Virginia goose eggs over eight jams at one point in the period.
The Massacre sailed home in the third and final period, giving super-pivot Clobber a chance to show off her jamming skills in the form of a grand slam, much to the crowd's delight. For Dominion, The Ruffian, Sweet N. Lowdown, T. Rex Ya Face, and Tsunami Tsue traded turns at the jammer line and put in 26 combined points, fighting hard until the bitter end. Maura Buse won the award for bad-ass jam of the night when she leapt over the inside line and an opposing player's skate on her way to a 4-0 jam and followed it with a picture-perfect, knees-first slide in to the sideline crowd to receive some much-deserved adoration. Overall, the Massacre looked tight, fit, and ready for the coming year.
And now that the vets whet our derby appetites, it's time for the main course: Fresh Meat. The Wicked Pissahs and Nutcrackers debut rejuvenated rosters and rookies-to-watch at the season's first home team match-up on November 10. Be there.
Lead jammer in 20 of 42 total jams
Highest scoring jammer: Triple Deck-Her, 15 points in period 1, jam 3
Most penalties: Shellby Shattered, 8 minors and 5 majors
MVP: Ivana Clobber #2
Dominion Derby Girls All-Stars
Lead jammer in 17 of 42 total jams
Highest scoring jammer: Tsunami Tsue, 9 points in period 1, jam 4; and Sweet N. Lowdown, 9 points in period 3, jam 7
Most penalties: Spontaneous Combustya, 11 minors
MVP: Sweet N. Lowdown #5